It’s times of realization like these when I can completely identify with Paul the apostle- I am the worst of sinners. Its a curiously glorious thing that the Lord has put in to place; the more I sin, the more I realize just how dependent I am on him. In my most twisted, violent sins I see flashes of myself screaming, “Crucify him!” and raising the hammer above my head to deliver a flesh-tearing blow on the nails that stuck him to a tree. The fact that we, a fallen mankind, can even think about obtaining salvation through Jesus Christ is an insane concept! Honestly- have you ever thought about how much it doesn’t make sense? There is no reason that God should, in human eyes, have mercy on us. And forget this relative nonsense that has become so prevalent. Being ‘mostly good’ doesn’t cut it, ‘mostly good’ is a deviation of perfect. Perfection is THE standard that God set in place at creation, anything less is an infection. Yet God sent his own son- one that met that standard of perfection- and watched as the sins of man piled upon him during his dying hour. I think we often focus on the physical pain of Christ as the most excruciating. Indeed, Jesus was very man, and the pain was beyond what many can even fathom, but in addition to this he bore the sins of the world. This is something no one can fathom, because even the unsaved have not felt its full weight. The penalty for sin is death and damnation- Christ experienced this not for one man, but for the entire human race. His pain knew no bounds. His love knew no bounds. And that is where I stand.
Today I was unfortunately given a particularly sobering view of myself as a sinner. I felt instant remorse for the black nature that I possessed. I prayed to God begging him for forgiveness, yet all the time knowing that it was already granted through Christ Jesus. Next I turned to scripture. Now this is where I was amazed. Subconciously I yearned for the rebuking scripture that would describe to me the damning nature of my sin. Instead, everywhere I turned I found a description of Christ’s love, life, and death for the man that I am- a murderous villain that killed his own savior. I realized that I wanted to feel guilt to make myself feel better. Again, another sinfully humanistic attempt at independence. As if me realizing that I had done something wrong would make it right?!? Of course not! Even in my supposed search for forgiveness I turned myself astray. I now find that I must turn to my God and realize that he has forgiven me. If I do not believe that he has forgiven me then I have already become the hypocrite of a faith I claim my own.
Its easy to make things complicated- a paradox perhaps, but a true one at that. Man’s earliest inclinations was to pass the blame- create a story for the sin you know boils down to wrong and right. There is good and there is evil; there is a heaven and a hell, but people don’t like to accept extremes. “Let’s compromise,” they say, lets mesh this white and black and trade it for a grayscale of “I’m okay, you’re okay”. That is absurd! Lowering the standards to fit a subpar vessel is not the answer. A painter needs only to add a tiny drop of black paint to white paint and he will end up with a sickly gray. So is it with perfection- add even the tiniest of sins and you will have flawed the concept. The answer is atonement, a beautiful ordinance set in place by the creator of the universe (who, by the way, is the only one with the fitting authority for such a decree).
To God be the glory- how encouraging!
