Concerning an Anti-Salvation

From what great depths can a hero rise?

How can canticles divine be sung,
when redemption can be obtained by even the most unwise?
A man wants to make a mark, a story to tell
A reversal if you will; from heaven to hell
An anti-salvation achieved in rough spots
Why does he wish to play the part of a pirate,
Wrapped in the cloak of a life he can’t lead?
Oh what twisted thinking can do to a boy
Who longs to be longed for
And pines for an absent day
For indeed that is what he is
The youth- a pile of malleable clay
Fashioned one way, and then another
Swaying in the grasp of multiple arms
As he bakes in the sun
His thoughts begin to solidify
What has he become now that time has left its mark?
How much room is there left to change,
for one who’s life is a lump of hardened clay?

Godspeed to the water and the working agent
Cling to the streams that let us move freely
Don’t stray far, for you’ll soon dry out
Remember your maker, remember your deeds
You could do nothing, yet deserve everything
Don’t long for a path you can’t afford to walk
Rejoice in your proper place
He has a plan that will unfold in good time
Until then be patient and walk it with grace.

Beautiful Atonement

I apologize for my lack of ‘blogging’ as of late. Daily responsibilities have caused me to slow down in the writing department, though I have not stopped entirely. I was going through some old journals yesterday and came across an entry that I had penned a few years ago. It’s always interesting to read something that you had written at an earlier date (in this case it was when I had just barely started college). To see how God works in your own life and the life of others is an amazing thing. When I had originally written this I was struggling with the notion of perfection. I remember it being so hard to grasp… it was as if someone told you there was a new color that existed, a color you had never seen before. It’s hard to get your mind around that. And so I decided to post this old entry in the hopes that it might encourage my friends and family in Christ. Perfection as a concept can only be understood through the eyes of atonement- how beautiful is that! Praise be to our God for his unfailing grace and mercy. I hope you are having a wonderful summer- I look forward to posting more as time allows.

It’s times of realization like these when I can completely identify with Paul the apostle- I am the worst of sinners. Its a curiously glorious thing that the Lord has put in to place; the more I sin, the more I realize just how dependent I am on him. In my most twisted, violent sins I see flashes of myself screaming, “Crucify him!” and raising the hammer above my head to deliver a flesh-tearing blow on the nails that stuck him to a tree. The fact that we, a fallen mankind, can even think about obtaining salvation through Jesus Christ is an insane concept! Honestly- have you ever thought about how much it doesn’t make sense? There is no reason that God should, in human eyes, have mercy on us. And forget this relative nonsense that has become so prevalent. Being ‘mostly good’ doesn’t cut it, ‘mostly good’ is a deviation of perfect. Perfection is THE standard that God set in place at creation, anything less is an infection. Yet God sent his own son- one that met that standard of perfection- and watched as the sins of man piled upon him during his dying hour. I think we often focus on the physical pain of Christ as the most excruciating. Indeed, Jesus was very man, and the pain was beyond what many can even fathom, but in addition to this he bore the sins of the world. This is something no one can fathom, because even the unsaved have not felt its full weight. The penalty for sin is death and damnation- Christ experienced this not for one man, but for the entire human race. His pain knew no bounds. His love knew no bounds. And that is where I stand.

Today I was unfortunately given a particularly sobering view of myself as a sinner. I felt instant remorse for the black nature that I possessed. I prayed to God begging him for forgiveness, yet all the time knowing that it was already granted through Christ Jesus. Next I turned to scripture. Now this is where I was amazed. Subconciously I yearned for the rebuking scripture that would describe to me the damning nature of my sin. Instead, everywhere I turned I found a description of Christ’s love, life, and death for the man that I am- a murderous villain that killed his own savior. I realized that I wanted to feel guilt to make myself feel better. Again, another sinfully humanistic attempt at independence. As if me realizing that I had done something wrong would make it right?!? Of course not! Even in my supposed search for forgiveness I turned myself astray. I now find that I must turn to my God and realize that he has forgiven me. If I do not believe that he has forgiven me then I have already become the hypocrite of a faith I claim my own.

Its easy to make things complicated- a paradox perhaps, but a true one at that. Man’s earliest inclinations was to pass the blame- create a story for the sin you know boils down to wrong and right. There is good and there is evil; there is a heaven and a hell, but people don’t like to accept extremes. “Let’s compromise,” they say, lets mesh this white and black and trade it for a grayscale of “I’m okay, you’re okay”. That is absurd! Lowering the standards to fit a subpar vessel is not the answer. A painter needs only to add a tiny drop of black paint to white paint and he will end up with a sickly gray. So is it with perfection- add even the tiniest of sins and you will have flawed the concept. The answer is atonement, a beautiful ordinance set in place by the creator of the universe (who, by the way, is the only one with the fitting authority for such a decree).

To God be the glory- how encouraging!

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.”

-Romans 8:1-4

Its curious how we, as human beings, frequently forget to place our complete trust in God. Whether it be for a short season or a long, misplaced trust often manifests itself slowly and methodically in our lives. One moment we find ourselves wholly fixed on the goal set before us then, over time, life begins to creep in. The scary part about it all is that we often think we are giving our best to God! We trick ourselves into believing that we are giving our best to Him, when in reality he has been placed in the backseat of the grand scheme of our lives. When we are knocked down and beaten to our lowest, where do our priorities lie? What truly matters, and what doesnt matter at all?

I feel like Simon Peter during my own times of misplaced trust. I know Ive spoken on the subject much in the past, but it is so incredibly applicable and relevant to our daily lives! Peters properly placed faith in his Savior enabled him to walk on water yet should this really astonish us? Time and time again, the Lord has shown us that an unwavering faith moves mountains. Its when we entertain our worries and woes on an equal level with our faith in Christ that we run in to problems. The very moment Peter removed his eyes from Christ he began to sink.
Boom. Its that fast. We can almost hear Peter as he thinks the situation through

“Wait a second this is absurd, I shouldnt be able to do this! What about the natural laws of gravity? Im going to sink! What of this raging storm all about me? Surely the creatures of the deep will devour me in a moment! What was I thinking how could I be so stupid? How could I…”
Or a more modern spin on things might go:

“How am I ever going to pay all these bills? I really dont know what I want to do with my life. Am I just wasting time? Will I ever find the right guy/girl God has for me? How can I plan for my future when the present seems to be going no where? Where is God when I need him- doesnt he realize how important these things are to ME?”

I’m being dramatic my friends, but when you search your own heart you may find that you are falling into this same pitfall. Isnt it wonderfully reassuring to know that Christ extends a steady hand during the trying times of our lives? Though we allow our sinful natures to place trivial, earthly things above our faith in Christ, the Lord still makes himself known! How thankful we should be for these times of realization that the Lord provides us with. It seems like they often hit me like a freight train (indeed thats what happened tonight as I was doing my nightly run through the neighborhood). My friends, let us take hold of the Lords steadying hand while we still have time- there is nothing to lose and everything to gain!

The following hymn was consistently popping into my head tonight as I mulled over this subject- hopefully youll find some comfort and solace in it as well. May the Lord give us grace and soundness of mind to examine ours hearts daily so that we might culture a well-placed faith in Christ Jesus; our number one priority.
My Hope is Built
By Edward Mote

REFRAIN:
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus Name.

Refrain

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

Refrain

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Of Prose and Poetry…

Though I often write poetry, I rarely share it with others. For me, it’s more of a way to get thoughts and emotions onto paper… a conversation with oneself, as it were. When a bad (or good) day ensues it’s sometimes easiest to let the words just flow onto a scrap piece of paper as they may. Consequently, the majority of my poetry has been penned in free verse. Looking back on a few of the pieces that I’ve held onto, it’s interesting to see how the Lord uses our daily experiences and emotions to teach us how very reliant we are upon his saving grace and love. The following are a few pieces I penned on some of those ‘bad’ days. Hopefully they can be of some encouragement to you in your dark times!

“War of the Mind”

In a recken stupor the fallen flies
Not to hope but forsaken lies
He clings to malice and familiar places
A forged forgetfulness of the twisted faces
How is it that he flees into the arms of what he hates
Is this redundance akin with his fate
This lucid, frozen, empty desire
Is filled with his historical mire
And all around lay his fallen friends
As he takes up the sword and a stance to defend
But how, oh how is one to persevere
Amidst burning corpses and constant fear
Where ash lays thick on the deceased and broken
Where all that is said has never been spoken
The war of the mind continues in silence
A twisted spectre of raging violence
The fool dismisses the battle within
As the enemy approaches armed with his sin
Until at last when he least expects
They enslave his soul and infest his flesh
Alas for another, alas for shame
A tunneling enemy, wounding the lame
He despairs as the bulge inside
Becomes too much to handle- too much to hide
And as the tears run down his face
A warmth surrounds him and doth embrace
‘Onward, onward!’, the cry from above
‘On with the sword and on with my love
On in passion, on with grace
Onward in this runnable race!’

“To Remove a Mask”

The world is a dead place to me,
wrapped in the fading shrouds of filth
I wander here and there
meeting again, those that I thought I knew
but the light shattered my soul,
the thick glaze cast from off my eyes;
I walk anew… indeed I walk for the first time
cares are cast on the wayside
longevity is strewn on the hilltops;
pining under this synthetic light
Plastic faces in plastic cages
burdened under a sack of mud-filled lies.
Gaunt and tasteless a mirror of what I once was,
they stagger through the streets
grasping for a day they call ‘tomorrow’.
But oh, for a fool’s hope,
to inject them with faith of a child,
for scales to fall from off thine eyes
and clouds to pass from these dark skies
then and only then you’ll see the truth
two wooden beams and a body forsaken
they washed away this tainted shroud
that corrupted creation and perfection

“What I am and What I will Be”

Gather not the thoughts of dread
the chilling silence which so easily invades
so often it feels like my mind has been entombed
imprisoned in a cell of gelatin
where true thoughts never quite make an escape
trapped inside a numbing agent they float
resonating slower and slower
until they’ve become part of the emptiness

thus the task is realized
a soul encased in frozen deception
though the thoughts and ideas fall asleep
memories of a brighter day claim hope
they scream and resonate through a slothful soul
shaking off the dust and sludge
of a body that has become accustomed to being choked

but these memories claw and cut
though they face a dulling foe
perhaps the most dangerous-
who enslaves the flesh slowly, with purpose
constantly eating away at a mind
once intent with pristine purpose
now maleable and easily bent

then with a flash- memory emerges
cutting the surface of a mucous-laden sky
stark and sleek, so this is what I was once!
as the sleeping soldier groans and aches
staggering to attention; to fight again
oceans of clay rushing from his feet
suddenly speed with meaning!

concepts flashing, life happening
the pulse of thought jolts to life
Purposefully driven forward
striking up a pace that increases with each step
slashing, hacking to the surface
the direction now made true
jumping, fighting, riding
through the muddy swamps that surround us

only for a moment
this short race we call life
until suddenly the shock of light
engulfs and incinerates every imperfection
nothing but joy, sweet perfect joy
consumes ever atom, every synapse
of what was once a body

“And What of a Traitor?”

Despotism is the alias of a corrupted man
For wherein lies the strength of a broken crusader?
Who will cry for the fallen runner?
Would the world shift and turn its back?
What about the lonely, the lost, those who once burned bright?
Was their concience a stolen commodity?
Was anything real?
Should I have been affected, indeed should I still feel?
Wolves in sheep’s clothing tearing the flesh
Empty eyes are tunnels to nothingness
The heart beats cold in a cavern of stone
Yet once I felt its warmth at night
But those days are gone and winter has come
They’re but a chiseled, sneering statue
What of the traitor in you?

“Untitled”

The dawning of a realization within my heart;
Something I’ve known so many times before
yet everytime seems new in the eyes of a child
a lesson learned a million times
that I will fall the harder I try
but there in lies the problem
‘try’ is a three-letter word for failure
My frail vessel plots and plans,
but to no avail
What I require is another’s desire
to replace the makeshift crutch with a plan not my own
A path to follow that I know not
trusting my life to a script that is being read for the first time
Shall I resist, shall I show blind defiance?
No, I will confront my ignorance and accept my failing capacity
to grasp a concept greater than humanity itself
I surrender all to the plan that unfolds
through another’s broken body and becomes my own.

“Mess of a Man”

Screams of conviction echo in an empty mind,
Waves of panic crash upon a slick black thought
The castaway’s dark secrets are uneartherd,
There is no running, there is no hiding,
Sheer terror takes over- vision begins to blur
I now behold the blinding sword of truth.

A hand, perfect and shining grasps the weapon
My eyes widen with fear as the sword approaches
Pain so brilliant as I fall to the floor
Again and again the sword strikes,
I scratch and scream, “Lord, please no more!”
But no stalling action is taken and I’m left in a heap.

The crowd surrounds me, a broken, bloody mess
I cry out for help yet they turn their eyes away
I’m left all alone, cold and helpless
Years go by and countless tears fall from my face
And still in the shadows I can make out a figure
The soldier that smote me stands in silence.

I curse and scream in his magnificent face
Yet his hands are stayed, poised and smooth
I ask him to end my life, I beg for death
Yet he merely shakes his head and grimaces
I’m at the bottom, defenseless and broken…

Only then do my eyes open wide,
As I look to the one who struck me so very long ago,
“Oh, good Lord I need your help,
for if you will not kill me, then make me your own!”
He stirs from his post and trods toward me

“My son I love you, I always have!
But you viewed my good as wholly bad.
I struck you and hurt you, ’tis true
but only to strengthen your spirit,
to show you a humbler and better way.”

Then he picked me up and held me in his arms,
He nursed me back to health and equipped me anew,
A better and happier life I lead,
full of purpose and full of speed,
For God takes a mess of a man and gives him hope.

Floating Stones

"But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

-Matthew 14:27-31

We can only imagine what was going through Peter’s mind as he walked on water. If ever there was a case to be made for faith, this was it. Peter’s utter reliance upon God enabled him to place footstep after footstep on malleable, liquid water. By all natural, human laws this was not possible, it couldnt be possible! And yet here Peter was walking across the sea amidst a particularly violent storm with his Lord directly in front of him. Talk about a surreal experience!

When Jesus came across the fisherman Simon, his very first action was to change his name to Peter (or Cephas) which means rock. By faith alone Peter, a rock, floated on the surface of the waters as he walked towards his savior. What an amazing moment- Peters faith seemed to know no bounds.

But then a sick feeling took hold of him- his stomach began to turn in knots as doubt invaded. As Peter began to look about him, his complete and utter faith in his Lord was broken and he began to sink. Fear took hold of his entire soul as the water licked up at his feet and began to pull him underneath its dark surface. Peter began to rationalize, to apply human rules to a situation in which they did not apply. Peter, the rock of Christ, was sinking quickly and desperately needed help. As he began to slip beneath the icy waters he shouted to the only one he knew could save him, his Lord. Jesus immediately responded to his plea by plucking him from the waters that threatened to consume him…

The keeping of our faith is a constant struggle my friends! The Lord has been teaching me this in my own life these last few weeks. Its easy to have faith when we become accustomed to walking on water. We take for granted the daily miracles that God provides; we forget that we are merely floating stones. Our sinful nature and actions should have left us condemned unto eternal death long ago, yet Christ in his mercy saw fit to uphold us in his hands.

God reminds of us of this in times of trial and temptation. As our world crashes and burns around us, we become like Peter- frantic, sick to our stomachs, afraid to the utmost of what might happen. Worry invades and we begin to despair. Amidst tribulation pretenses are laid bare and we are forced to come to grips with reality. We exist and breathe ONLY because God saw fit for it to be so in his perfect will. In light of this realization, we should react as Peter did. We should shout to him, “Lord, save me!”

I would also go as far as to say that these trials we face in life are a necessary part of our Christian walk. Jesus himself said, “Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!” (John 12:24-28). The Lord uses our hour of weakness to glorify his name- and what higher calling is there? In our weakness, he is made perfectly known! We are called to face these troubles head on and actively consider how we might grow our faith and increase our reliance upon him. What a wonderful God we serve!

Though we face a great many ugly things in this world, it is comforting to know that Jesus will always be there waiting to pluck us from the depths in our time of need. When necessary trials descend upon us, let us look to the face of God and praise his name. Let us be stones that float upon a tried and tested faith in Christ Jesus.

Scripture For Thought…

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

-James 1:2-6

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

-2 Corinthians 12:9

Leading a Genuine Life

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set you rminds on things that are above, not on things that on earth. For you have died, and you life is hidden with Christ in God.” -Colossians 3:1-3

So I’ve been thinking, as I’m prone to do, about the importance I place on leading a legitimate life. I know that sounds extremely open-ended, but I make the statement without hesitation. In my opinion there is nothing more disturbing than a ‘counterfeit’ Christian. Let me clarify- when a person acts one way but thinks another it is extremely unsettling. Have you ever felt betrayed by someone’s actions? I know many young adults who have experienced a ‘falling out’ with some individuals they once called friends. Kids who were once held accountable by their parents and teachers are suddenly faced with independence and limited accountability. Unfortunately many take on this new freedom and let their sinful desires and thoughts run rampant. There is no gateway, no stopping point, no friend to keep them accountable. They live a counterfeit life; speaking one way and acting another.

Does this scare you? It should! As Christians we face an uphill battle. We must overcome the tactless stereotypes and false prophets who portray Christ wrongfully. As a body of believers we are sending a mixed message to the nations. No man can serve two masters- our thoughts and actions must be one. A perfect example of this is found in MySpace itself! How many people do you know who act differently in real life as opposed to online? It’s startling isn’t it? Sure you may fool others, but you cannot fool God. Furthermore, what do we think we are doing to our fellow man? Living a counterfeit life is hurtful. No one likes knowing that they’ve been played or tricked, especially when they place their trust in you.

We should be the first to admit when we are wrong- quick to listen and slow to speak. Let us run from gossip, and think about what we are about to say long before we say it. We need more genuine people in this life- we need to surround ourselves with bona fide brothers and sisters. May we all pursue accountability in an attempt to lead genuine, unashamed lives for Christ.

A Breath of Fresh Air

It is a strange feeling, this quiet time of relief and satisfaction. God has provided me such great companions this past year. I am so priveleged to be able to call so many good Christian brothers and sisters friends. These are bonds not only of love and concern, but bonds that hold eternity as a common denominator.

In these times of clarity I feel as if Jesus has placed me on the top of a mountain and given me a chance to glimpse a bigger picture. “See what I have done? Now does it make sense? You are but a small component in the kingdom of my father, but I have provided you with fellow crusaders. Those that, though flawed, will run the race with you. You will sharpen each other- when they fall, pick them up as they will do unto you.”

When the Lord gives me these breaths of fresh air, I find that all the excessive details wither away and life seems simpler. After all, this life is but a detour; life truly is a fading vapor. As the self-imposed complications of humanity slide from off my back I am reminded of true purpose. I lift my eyes from vacant goals and fix them on the blinding light of pure ecstasy; eternal rest with my father in heaven. Then as I glance to my left and right, I find my brothers and sisters. They are fixed upon this goal. Meanwhile, the world stumbles amidst us in a darkness that blinds the heart that has not been softened. Thank you God for friends, you know how very dear they are to me. I am greatful to you for providing this commodity amidst a fading vapor.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18