Helping Your Marriage... 'beat the odds'?

I receive e-mails from focus on the family which are geared specifically to the recently married crowd. I love these emails- there is lots of practical advice and some really good resources. Generally the content featured in these emails is very helpful and Christ-centered. However, I did notice one book review description that bugged me quite a bit in today's email. It was a book geared toward Christians who have been married before. I am not contesting that there exists a Biblical basis for remarriage in extreme (notice the wording... extreme... as in: unfaithfulness with a refusal to come under church leadership!) situations. However, I am contesting the wording of this book, it went as follows:

"Whether it's you or your spouse who has been married before, the principles and guidance in Happily Remarried can help you beat the odds and make your re-marriage a success."

Beat the odds? I'm sorry, but the sentiment of this wording really irks me as a Christian. I once received this advice prior to my own marriage. One, well-meaning man, used these words: "Stephen, if you do the research now and try to lead your life according to scripture, it will help you beat the odds of a failed marriage."

Whoa- back that up. I would vehemently say 'no!' to that my friends. All the research and preparation in the world will not save your marriage from failing. If that's your strategy, get ready to fail and fall hard. Nothing in and of your own power will save your marriage.

Let me tell you what will 'save' your marriage- an utter dependence upon God. A reliance upon Him that refuses to let go of His promises even in the darkest of times. We shouldn't have to 'beat the odds' with our marriages as Christians. There are no 'odds' for a marriage truly rooted in Christ alone! What there should be, is a confident expectation that God will give you the strength to endure and persevere through any trial that you may encounter together. Yes, we are married to fellow sinners, that much is true. However, that does not give us the liberty to abort our marriages as if they were some plan that 'just didn't happen to work out'. It is unsettling how many people (and many who are supposed Christians!) are willing to throw away their marriage at the faintest sign of trouble. What a marring of a beautiful ordinance that Christ has given us! Imagine if Christ simply chose to abort His love to the church? Let the gravity of this sink in: He chose to dedicate Himself to a tainted bride (the story of Hosea and Gomer comes to mind- check it out). If anyone had an excuse to 'let go', wasn't it Christ? Thank God we have a dedicated Savior- one who does not flee us or reject us despite our unfaithfulness to Him!

"The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." - Deut 7:7-9

So what's the exhortation? Buckle down my friends! Face sin head on with Christ by your side. Don't shy away from His grace or look for the easy way out. May we guard the sanctity of marriage as Christians who refuse to be like the world. With Christ you don't have to beat the odds, He has already overcome them.

A Footnote: I do not write this post in an attempt to discourage anyone who has had the unfortunate experience of an unfaithful spouse who has refused to be reconciled or come under the authority of the local church. Indeed- my heart goes out to you. This is not a hammer over the head of those who faithfully seek reconciliation through Christ while their partner does not. This post is for those who consciously and willingly thrust aside a hope for reconciliation in their marriage.