Light is Brightest Amidst Darkness

To my brothers and sisters running the race- I penned this a few years ago and was shaken aknew after reading it today with the reality of how deep and serious our sins are. Perhaps you know those epiphany moments I’m speaking of- where the full scope of your sinful nature washes over you and you suddenly realize how very undeserving you are of the grace of God. Yet in this darkness, at the dimmest of moments, the glory of God shines brightest. So I share this with you all to be of encouragement- God used this realization in one of my darker moments to show me the full extent of his love!

“And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments. And the people stood by, watching; but the rulers scoffed at him, saying, “He saved others; let him save himself, if he is the Christ of God, his Chosen One!” ” -Luke 23:34-35

Paul says in scripture that he is the most wretched of sinners. At times I want to cry it with utter defiance, “No you most certainly are not, I am!!!” The scariest moments of my entire life are those when I look down and realize how very close I come to teetering over the eternal edge of fire. Were it not for the protective railing of the murdered son of God, Jesus Christ, I would have fallen so very long ago into a pit no one can climb out of. Indeed I am the murder, I am the one that killed the son of God and yet… yet… I am saved through the very blood I spilt.

The weighing conviction of my guilt burdens my entire frame with the filthiness of my sin, the utter decrepit nature that my life takes on in these dark moments. But the conviction mingles with the joy of mercy and grace. The very son of man whom looked me in the eye and said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do!” had in mind this very moment. This very moment of realization that comes upon a man, yes, even a man of God. The moment in which a man stops aimlessly bolstering forward and looks down at his bloody hands and says to himself, “This is my handiwork… is this the ‘good’ person I’ve become?”

Now there are two paths to walk from this point. The first that Judas took- he could not live with the guilt and let it overpower his soul. He killed himself and secured the eternal shame which is what we all deserve. The second path is the one Saul took. The man murdered hundreds of Christians and persecuted Christ, but the Lord saw fit to appear to him and to command him to change his ways. Of all the people who might feel guilt- this man turned to the ways of the people he had hated and killed for so long. But Saul, who now became Paul, realized something crucially important to those of suffering from this sinful disease (read here as all of humanity!). He realized that the smallest bit of Grace far outweighs the Guilt of our sins.

Yes with sin comes shame (this can be seen in the story of Adam and Eve as they hid themselves from the Lord) but also a hope that we might live a life anew without a permanent mark of death on our heads. When we sin, we should feel shame for what we have done, yet I do not believe that we should continue to stoop lower and lower and turn our eyes from the miracle that Calvary is. We should raise our tear-stained faces and shout praise and glory to the man who stretched out his arms and took the full fury of his father straight on as we stood safely behind him.

I know I am a wretched sinner, but I stand in the Lord’s hands through the promise that Jesus Christ has given me. I praise God, even now, for this encounter- that he has made this clear to me. I pray that he would see fit to use me as a man of God. I pray also that he would continue a work in me to mortify the stumbling blocks of my life, that I may be true to his word and do all that I can with this brief life to further his kingdom. This is not a faith of illusions, it’s a faith of reality. It’s a faith of promise and hope to live a life pure in the sight of God through a blood that cleanses even the most vile. Dear God I love you so very much- there is nothing in this universe that I love more than you. I beg you- have pity on this soul and teach me your ways.